Trauma Bonding
Rubbernecking on a whole new level
Humans have always had a fascination with the macabre. The oddities of people not quite like us. The rubbernecking at the car crash, hoping to see just enough of the blood and gore to remind us that we’re doing ok.
Baby Reindeer is a perfect example of how we’re taking it too far down a rabbit hole I’m not sure we can climb out of.
I am generally very interested in watching films and series that explore the human condition. Humans, for sure, have a dark side and to not explore it authentically and honestly would do a disservice to our own evolution.
But as filmmakers and storytellers, we have a responsibility to share these stories ethically, and with care and respect to our viewers, and their emotional well-being.
Baby Reindeer did neither of those things.
I understand but much of it was “factually correct”, however, the story is told from the perspective of one of the people involved in the experience. And, of course, they have a right to share their experience and perspective.
Legally, I don’t think the series had the rights to share anyone else’s story, which in filmmaking, is a precipice I’m not sure we should be crossing. In news and even in true documentaries, we are required to offer an opportunity to everyone involved to share their perspective.
This did not happen here.
We should be creating space for people to share their stories safely and responsibly, held in a circle of trusted people who can support them in their healing process.
I don’t think that happened when most people sat alone in their living rooms, or in bed at night binging this series. They were likely not surrounded by anyone who could help them process what they just watched.
After the series was over, I sat silently, almost unable to feel anything. My breath was shallow, and it took effort to suck in air. Having had the opportunity to do a lot of spiritual and emotional work, I knew right then and there that I had been re-traumatized. The trauma that I experienced in my own life brought to the forefront, my wounds cut open again, as I lay bleeding on my couch.
I could only imagine what someone who hadn’t been able to have access to the type of mental health care that I have would experience after watching that series.
After speaking with several people who had watched the series, they too expressed feeling a deep sadness at best and for some, depression , anger and yes, re-traumatized, indeed.
The series opened with a very important sentence, typed out against the black screen and held long enough to make sure it really sinks in.
“ This is a true story”
And then what proceeds is a dark, traumatizing, harrowing, often horrific and deeply sad story of a man who is dealing with his own demons, and then the demons in society.
This main title opening card was a cinematic choice and after the fallout from what happened after people watched the show, the creators came out to try and quell an already blazing wildfire, saying that they had fictionalized and dramatized some of the events “for cinematic reasons.”
It felt so irresponsible of the filmmaker to leave their viewers in that state in the name of “Entertainment.”
This really wasn’t entertainment. Actually, this was a person, exposing their trauma, raw, and almost unedited for anyone to watch. Sort of like one of those circuses that used to parade the oddities of humanity as a side show for kids and families to buy popcorn to and gawk at, make fun of in order to avoid their own fears.
It feels as if humanity is becoming less and less desensitized to the horrors we commit upon each other and have turned it into sports and entertainment.
As if car crashes and televised war isn’t enough. Now we need to watch someone have a total emotional breakdown due to life's trauma, right in front of our eyes, to maybe feel something, or connect to something? Honestly, I’m not sure why watching someone else suffer is entertaining at all.
Interestingly, this event (If you haven’t watched it, don’t panic, I’m not giving away too much), this catalytic event was the reason the “protagonist” became famous. It wasn’t because he was actually funny or a talented comedian. It was because instead of doing comedy, one night he had his emotional breakdown on stage and someone filmed it and of course, posted it on the web.
And since then, the only thing he’s “got” is to reshare his trauma over and over again, in more more detail with every incarnation, and what was once a one man show has now turned into a “This is a true story” with actors, sets, music and all the trappings of a “everything in here is absolutely true 100%, no dramatization or fictionalization for the sake of my version”, TV series where all the lines of reality have now been blurred.
In the aftermath of this series premiere, hundreds, if not, thousands of people flocked to social media to begin to tear apart and unpack it all. Their minds busy with something else besides their own pain, thankfully someone else’s pain is worse than theirs.
Internet sleuths embarked on a quest to out the real life villains portrayed by actors in this series. Leaving no stone unturned, calling out people whether they were sure they had the right person or not. It really didn’t matter. Forget that at least one character in this series clearly suffers from mental health issues and while may be deserving of having justice served for their actions, thousands of internet bully vigilantes probably isn’t the way to go.
The filmmakers taking to their platforms to beg the hungry marauders to pull back and stop the Internet chaos as if it was their fault, and not the filmmakers for not even taking a moment to consider what might happen in the aftermath of their “artistic expression“ painted as an all out factual play by play of events.
Even as the main character played at taking some personal responsibility for how some of these events transpired, the way it showed up was a rather large beg for sympathy. Humans are complex, and we often make choices from a place within us trying to survive from trauma, however, in my opinion, I don’t think this concept was fully developed and what we got was a man in desperate need of therapy, but instead got a Netflix deal. He got paid to vomit it all out and leave his mostly untrained audience holding the bag.
In terms of what happened on the web after, It reminded me of what happened when Princess Catherine disappeared from public eye, the influencers, and wanna be seekers of truth and justice, Tik Tok jockeys and so on, literally frothed at the mouth with theories and stories about her demise, all the while this poor woman is just trying to stay alive and deal with her health and her own family.
Humanity, decency, respect for another’s personal space and privacy and the right to truth, actual facts have been replaced by our insatiable need to know, and to expose, to feel connected to something, anything, even if its the trauma experienced by someone else.
We have created trauma bonding entertainment in place of actually finding ways to truly heal.
Our media is filled with True Crime series, podcasts, movies, focusing on our darkest fears and again, I am all for humans sharing stories that reflect our experience real or imagined.
I just wish filmmakers and content creators would hold ourselves accountable for how our “art” lands. Films, narratives, docs, bingable series, have an immersive effect, the lines between fact and fiction, real or on TV heavily blurred. One sentence uttered or displayed across a screen has a very different impact than even a song or a painting. There is a separation between those two mediums that more and more is becoming obscure in movies and media especially when art meets life, gets a steaming deal unchecked, without accountability or compliance and then the internet gets involved.
I don’t know the answer, and I’ll admit, I have, on occasion, slowed down to gaze upon the ruins of another human’s mishap. Maybe this is just our true nature, to watch another mans house burn down and to take some comfort in the knowing that at least today, ours is still standing. But what will we do when there is nothing left to watch burn?
Help me light a SPARQ
This is the AGE OF AQUARIUS
The four tenants of this new age are:
Connection • Communication • Consciousness • Technology
SPARQ’s mission is to create media and entertainment that deepens our connection to each-other and to nature, inspires healthier and more authentic communication, and supports raising our consciousness together through modern technology as a tool for positive change, not a weapon.
Movies and more that are entertaining and evolutionizing!
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