The reckoning of the Jone’s…

Creating space for the reality many of us are in

Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash

I’ve been remiss in my writing these days. Partially due to the chaos currently whirling about my life and partially because of the chaos whirling about my mind.

After several more private messages, texts and dm’s, this is what came out.

Social media has drastically altered our reality.

 No kidding, right?!

This isn’t an article about all the ways in which social media is bad or good.

It is, however, an observation on how social media has changed the way we perceive ourselves and others.

For the last decade Mommy Bloggers and Vloggers have risen to fame on YouTube and Facebook portraying a level of perfection I’ve never believed existed. I’m a mom, I’ve tried to make the rabbit shaped cupcake cake and what came out looked more like the Easter Bunny on crack.

In the last year or so we have all stood back and watched those same “Mommy Superheroes” crash and burn. It’s sad really. Same with many of the influencers. I mean, it's hard to hide your kinky fetishes when there are cameras on you 24/7. Shit’s about to come out for sure. Who were they kidding? You don’t rise that fast without bumping into the pointy edges of reality and evaporating back into the abyss you rose from.

POP! Flllllllt… (I have no idea to spell the sound something deflating makes, do you?)

But what about the perfect mom on your social media feed that’s your real-life friend. Not only perfect moms, but perfect wives, husbands, brother in laws, sister in laws, cousins, aunts, besties, etc.

It’s as if social media upped the ante on the old “Keeping up with the Jones” rat race and often we exist in a feed of perfect happy lives, vacations, art projects, relationships. As a rule, if I notice a couple posting overly lovey-dovey posts on social media, to me, it’s a sure sign they are headed for a break-up.

You know the posts:

“Johnny lost a tooth and the tooth fairy brought him a Porsche!”

“My Husband just landed his dream Job and we’re buying a multi-million-dollar house!”

“Look at us in Caicos this summer. Our life couldn’t be better!”

That used to be me, until my kids got old enough to request that I not post them on social and more often I use my feed to rant about the ridiculousness of civilization.

Like why did bread cost $3 in 2020 and now it’s $6, but it’s still the same bread and the bakers didn’t get a raise. I also became tired of pretending things were honky dory when sometimes they weren’t.  I am honest about my life on social, the good, the bad and the depressing. I’ve never been one of those “air your dirty laundry” posters, but I do keep it real. And supposedly, I was one of those people who should never have a crisis. So maybe I wasn’t keeping it real enough, or maybe my problems didn’t seem that bad, because everyone’s life and mind seems to have a little chaos in it these days.

Recently, I had a pretty big personal crisis involving an injury and lost work. It was rough and I posted about it all, to my friends. I even asked for help. (Gasp!)

I apparently broke the fourth wall in this movie we’re all acting in. Where everyone’s lives are perfect on the outside, but behind the screen, shit is going down.

The Jordan Peele movie US comes to mind. Everyone has two personas, the one we portray to the outer world and the shadow version hiding in the tunnels.

When I began to share my troubles, I received a ton of dm’s where my amazingly successful, fully enriched friends expressed that they too were having financial issues, health issues, marital issues... a lot of issues and commended my bravery for being so open about it.

When did being honest about your life become brave?

For as long as I can think of, it’s always been the thing to put on a good show, but with the advent of social media it has escalated to new heights.

Social media has made us feel more connected, but to who? And to what reality?

As I read the stories from my friends, I felt truly sad for them, not only in what they were experiencing in their lives, but that outwardly, they had to pretend everything was ok.

FYI everything is not ok.

People are struggling and there is no space in a holographic reality where perfection has been so perpetuated that instead of feeling safe enough to ask for help, we shrivel and hide behind fake smiling photos and pithy quotes exclaiming we all Live, Laugh and Love!

And if we tell the truth about what’s really going on in our lives, then we are often judged, pitied or shamed.

One of the big reasons for this, at least in my community is the notion that we are all master manifestors, and if we’re struggling, it’s our fault. This has been a theme with some of the dm’s I’ve been getting. To speak their truth would bring shame to them and their family. Believe me, I’ve been on the receiving end of some of those deep sighs and judging eyes.

Ugh…

I want to offer an apology.  I am sorry that I was a part of creating a reality where we aren’t safe to suffer, be afraid, broke, hungry, whatever…

We exist in a reality that isn’t designed to be kind, safe or loving. We have to create that.

I’m here to listen, to create a safe space. The reality is hard right now, it’s true humanity is transitioning into a new way of existing and it’s not going to be easy on anyone. So, even if Johnny got a Porsche from the tooth fairy last year, it’s totally ok to tell everyone that Porsche has been repossessed.