Limiting beliefs
The cosmic joke for over achievers
My nervous system is wrecked. I think I’ve spent my entire life in survival mode. I don’t suspect I’m alone in this.
I’m not the first Type A, overachieving, goal, oriented woman to feel like I’ve been faking it forever.
Most of the time when I pull tarot cards, or get a reading, I am told I am destined for great success.
And for sure, I have had success in life, but the “great “success always seems to elude me.
And I’m told it’s because of my “limiting beliefs“. of which I have scoured the deep crevices of my mind to eradicate.
But the lingering doubt stays put, like dust on the top of the refrigerator that I just can’t quite reach or forget to do when I’m in a rush cleaning because I’ve got an empire to build and who has time to clean the top of the refrigerator when “great success“ is just around the corner.
Sometimes I think it’s like a little cosmic joke Bob (my version of God, the source, the universe, whatever you wanna call it). Likes to play with me.
If we look around the world, and we see all the chaos and suffering, it’s hard to not wonder if our omnipotent creator is really just a jackass fucking around with us for its own pleasure.
Why else would I be told over and over again I’m destined for something that always seems to be just out of reach.
When I was a child, my father gave me a bracelet engraved with the words “A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins“. Maybe this is the reason I refuse to give up. Just so I can prove to my father that I’m a winner.
My father, who left me a very long time ago, and yet here, I am still trying to make him proud.
Surrender, they say, accept what is. How does one do that in a world where there is no place to rest. It seems as though were all here just time to prove we can do it.
Every day we get up and try again. Every day somehow we eke out just enough to keep us going to the next day.
I wonder what safety, security, and ease would feel like. I wonder what I would actually create if those simple elements existed in my life. Greatness would definitely come.
But I guess that’s not the way I get to do it.
So here we are another day, where I will shush the thought monsters filling my head with doubt and throw balls in the air until I catch one of them.
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