From Fire Starters to Fragile Egos

The Long, Messy Journey of Patriarchy

When the world is quiet, and I’m left to be alone with my thoughts. Lately, my mind usually wanders in one of two directions. Love, as in, why do I seem to have terrible luck at it, or how the fuck did humanity end up here and now.  Which I guess are two sides of the same coin – how did I end up here and now.

Reality is a trip; the journeys we take are more convoluted than a reality TV plotline written by a committee of drunken cats. It’s both hilarious and a bit scary that the Simpsons legit told us all exactly how this timeline was going to play out. We just sat there guffawing at the ridiculousness of it all the while the modern-day version of The Handmaid's Tale was playing out in our streets.

I’ve had two essays banging around in my head—and sitting half-finished in my drafts—while I debated which one to unleash on the world first. Given that humanity’s currently teetering on the edge of complete annihilation, I figured, why not start with the historical hellscape that is the Patriarchy? Let’s be real; that probably explains why my relationships feel like dumpster fires.

So, let’s dive into the dirty origins of patriarchy. Stand down now cowboy—this isn’t one of those “man bad, woman victim” stories; it’s more like, “We invented farming, and suddenly everything went to shit.” For both genders. But, spoiler alert: primarily for women.

1. Prehistoric Societies: The Good Old Days?

Before humans decided that farming was the way to go (and, honestly, a questionable decision, not in terms of the food part, but in the men take control of women part), men and women were living their best egalitarian lives as hunter-gatherers. Sure, the men might’ve been out there chasing woolly mammoths, and women were gathering berries and herbs, but both were critical for survival. In some societies, women even had major social or spiritual influence; women could get old and not be shamed into hiding or go under the knife to stay relevant. Sigh, the good old “pre-patriarchy” days—a simpler time when your biggest problem was outrunning a wooly mammoth, not societal structures.

2. The Agricultural Revolution: Who Knew Growing Wheat Would Be a Problem?

Fast forward to about 10,000 BCE. And some progressive caveman gets this bright idea: “Hey, let’s stop wandering around and settle down, plant some crops, and domesticate a few animals!” This is where things start to get tricky. When people stopped moving and began accumulating land, livestock, and grain, those resources suddenly needed managing. And who took charge? The guys who plowed the fields and defended the land. Agriculture also birthed the need for inheritance—keeping the land in the family. Naturally, men were suddenly very interested in making sure those kids inheriting the land were actually theirs. Hence, stricter control over women’s sexuality. Welcome, patriarchy. And by “theirs,” I mean “theirs” in the sense that they were the children of the wife he took, not the mistresses and women they decided to dip their stick into because they could. Because, let’s face it, ever since men discovered what that hole was for, they’ve been on a lifelong mission to put it everywhere. So patriarchy wasn’t just about controlling land—it was also about controlling women. Because, you know, controlling themselves clearly wasn’t on the table.

3. Early Civilizations: Hammurabi and the Boys Take Over

As cities and civilizations emerged in places like Mesopotamia, Egypt, and Greece, patriarchy was basically cemented in law. Take the Code of Hammurabi from Babylon—one of the first legal documents ever, and guess what? It treats women like property. Look at the Ancient Greeks, you know, those geniuses who gave us democracy, they also decided women didn’t need any of that silly stuff like voting or property ownership. Aristotle even claimed women were naturally weaker and less rational. I mean, nothing like some good ol’ philosophy to back up gender oppression.

4. Religion to the Rescue? (Or Not)

Religion had a field day with patriarchy, cementing male dominance through divine texts. In Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, stories like Eve being made from Adam’s rib (and the whole “fall of man” thing) became prime justification for male superiority. In Hinduism, early texts were more chill about women, but by the time we hit the Manusmriti (circa 200 BCE), women were being told to be obedient to their husbands and basically not leave the house without a male escort.

5. Medieval Feudalism: You’re a Pawn in a Game of Thrones

Onward to the Middle Ages in Europe, and things aren’t much better for women. Women were mostly used as pawns in marriage alliances to secure political power. While noblemen jousted and went on crusades, noblewomen were busy ensuring their family’s land and title stayed in the bloodline—though they had little say in how that actually happened. The Catholic Church kept things ultra-conservative, preaching women’s roles as subservient wives and mothers. Meanwhile, the story wasn’t much different in China and the Islamic empires.

6. The Modern Era: Women Start Fighting Back

Enter colonialism and the Industrial Revolution, which spread European patriarchy like a bad case of crabs across the globe. Colonial administrators imposed rigid European gender norms on societies that often had more egalitarian structures. Meanwhile, as factories cropped up in the 18th and 19th centuries, men worked for wages outside the home, and women were relegated to unpaid domestic labor. But then something amazing happened: women started to fight back. By the 19th and 20th centuries, we see the rise of feminist movements in Europe and the Americas. Women demanded things like the right to vote and own property—The horror!

7. The Feminist Waves and Breaking Down Patriarchy

Early feminism focused on legal rights—voting, property, etc. The second wave, in the mid-20th century, took on more nuanced battles like reproductive rights and workplace discrimination. And now, we’ve got intersectional feminism, tackling how race, class, and sexuality intersect with the patriarchy. The system isn’t dead yet, but it’s taking some serious punches.

So, Why Did Patriarchy Stick Around?

So we see that the patriarchy wasn’t some evil master plan drawn up by men in a secret cave (although that’d make a hell of a Netflix series). It evolved slowly, like a bad habit, as societies shifted from hunter-gatherers—where we were all in this together—to agriculture, where men got possessive about their land, their wealth, and, well, their women. Suddenly, what started as “men handle this, women handle that” became “men handle everything, and women better stay in their lane.”

And here we are, centuries later, stuck in a system that’s been annoyingly resilient. Feminism has done its part to crack the foundation, but patriarchy has this way of hanging on, like a bad tattoo you got in college—faded, regrettable, but somehow still there, reminding you of poor decisions every time you look in the mirror. It started with farming, inheritance, and keeping everything “in the family, and over time, it evolved into religions, legal codes, and entire societal structures that worked to keep men at the top and women confined.

As a side note: Have you ever noticed that almost every sex scene in films and TV always ends up with the woman on top, as if it’s some sort of participation trophy for s women who are forced to play in the patriarchy- like “Ok, ladies- we’ll let you be on top, but only because we like to watch your boobies jiggle.”

The thing is, women aren’t just fed up—they’re raging. After centuries of being held down, pushed aside, and told to be quiet, that anger has hit a boiling point. Women aren’t just fighting for a seat at the table anymore—they’re flipping the whole damn thing over. And patriarchy, stubborn as it is, doesn’t stand a chance against that level of “we’ve had enough.”

If history has taught us anything, it’s that men spent most of modern history trying to keep women powerless. But guess what? Women are done with that crap. They’re not just raising their voices anymore—they’re flipping the whole table. And this time, they’re not asking for permission.

What does this have to do with love and relationships? Everything. The patriarchy conditioned us to believe that women’s power is something men can “give” us—like those movie scenes where she’s on top, just for show, while the real control stays elsewhere. But women aren’t settling for that anymore. The patriarchy can cling to its fairy tales all it wants, but Cinderella’s smashing the glass ceiling this time, not just the slipper.

Sources:

I used AI to help me organize and research this article because even though I’ve read and know a lot of this stuff, I don’t always remember who said it, where I read it, or if my memory gets it right and it’s important to give credit where credit is due.

                  1.             Gerda Lerner, The Creation of Patriarchy

                  •               Lerner’s book is a foundational text in understanding the historical development of patriarchy, tracing its origins and how it became entrenched in various societies.

                  •               Lerner, Gerda. The Creation of Patriarchy. Oxford University Press, 1986.

                  2.             Marija Gimbutas, The Civilization of the Goddess

                  •               Gimbutas explores the role of women in prehistoric Europe, offering insights into early societies and their structures before the rise of patriarchy.

                  •               Gimbutas, Marija. The Civilization of the Goddess: The World of Old Europe. HarperSanFrancisco, 1991.

                  3.             Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind

                  •               Harari discusses the transition from egalitarian hunter-gatherer societies to hierarchical agricultural ones, highlighting the role of gender in this shift.

                  •               Harari, Yuval Noah. Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind. Harper, 2015.

                  4.             Sylvia Walby, Theorizing Patriarchy

                  •               Walby provides an analysis of patriarchy, focusing on its structural and systemic elements across different societies.

                  •               Walby, Sylvia. Theorizing Patriarchy. Basil Blackwell, 1990.

                  5.             Robert B. Marks, The Origins of the Modern World

                  •               Marks provides a broader context for the development of global systems, including the role of gender and patriarchy, especially during colonialism and industrialization.

                  •               Marks, Robert B. The Origins of the Modern World: A Global and Ecological Narrative. Rowman & Littlefield, 2007.

                  6.             Judith P. Hallett, Fathers and Daughters in Roman Society: Women and the Elite Family

                  •               Hallett explores the role of women in ancient Roman society, providing examples of how patriarchy was reinforced through family and legal structures.

                  •               Hallett, Judith P. Fathers, and Daughters in Roman Society: Women and the Elite Family. Princeton University Press, 1984.

                  7.             Sherry B. Ortner, Is Female to Male as Nature is to Culture?

                  •               Ortner’s essay examines the cultural and symbolic roots of patriarchy, offering a theoretical perspective on gender inequality.

                  •               Ortner, Sherry B. “Is Female to Male as Nature is to Culture?” In Women, Culture, and Society, edited by Michelle Zimbalist Rosaldo and Louise Lamphere, Stanford University Press, 1974.

                  8.             Kathleen Gough, The Origin of the Family

                  •               Gough provides an anthropological perspective on the development of family and gender roles, with insights into how patriarchy evolved with societal changes.

                  •               Gough, Kathleen. “The Origin of the Family.” Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 33, no. 4, 1971, pp. 760–771.