Dear 50+ Man on dating App I just met (and not in person)
Would you let a man talk to your daughter like that?
I have lost count of the number of times a man whose profile reads 50+ with a graduate degree, Professional blah blah blah, Looking for a relationship, Single dad of 1, 2, and even sometimes 3 daughters hit me with the word Horny in the first five sentences.
FYI, I am a 53-year-old grown-ass woman who has raised two kids to their teens (so far, I haven’t killed them) on my own, run my own business, pay my bills all by myself, and I actually like sex. I do not, however, need to desperately shout it out to every possible human I interact with on a dating app. I say possible because, sadly, there are a lot of bots and catfishers out there, who by the way, never open with how horny they are. Go figure.
WTF is wrong with you. I’ve heard it all. “I was in a sexless marriage”, “I was married for 20-something years, and now I just want to have fun,” and so on and so on. Cool, good for you, I’m not here to judge. I do wonder if your way of going about it is working.
I even try to be funny, so as not to upset their delicate ego. I’ll respond with something like, “Gee, isn’t that what your right hand is for?” or “I have a great vibrator that never gets tired,” or even, “Wow, is that the vocabulary word of the week?”
And then, of course, it’s me, I’m the problem. I can’t take a joke, or I must be a prude. Oh honey, you are missing out. They can apparently say anything and call it a joke, but when their energy is matched, I am a cold-hearted witch who’s probably crazy.
These men state openly they are raising daughters. A few times, I have even asked if they would be ok with a man their daughter had never met in person speaking to them like that. I am always unmatched instantly because, God forbid, they face themselves in the eyes of their offspring. Like, do they allow their sons to speak to women like that?
It’s as if online anonymity makes them bold and brings out their true inner 13-year-old self. Their true age of arrested development.
Sadly, I wish it were only online. This morning in my row class, I watched a man, make one lude innuendo after another. I also watched a woman about his age play along while the coach did her best to make sure the blowhard with a need for attention was kept in check, offering just enough giggle to keep his ego satisfied. And as for the woman who played along, I get it. Women often feel we need to stoop to the low level, lest we be considered “Not cool”.
Guess what. I am no longer interested in taking care of a man’s ego. Women have kept their mouths shut and smiled, played along, and quietly walked away for entirely too long.
Last year, a man who claimed he was a single father of two daughters treated me so badly that I was stunned that a human who had children at all would behave in such a way. I asked him the same question. Of course, he did not have an answer, and as it turns out, he really wasn’t even a single father. He’s an absent father whose daughters live with their mother far, far away (a good thing), and he just sends a check. At least he does that, right? Alas, he doesn’t get to claim a single father, and I told him that too.
So, I guess I’m grateful for my vibrator because the fish in the sea I’ve been swimming in is all horny thirteen-year-olds masquerading as men, and I have no time for that.
Is it really so hard? Use some of the big words, and show a little patience for the prize; I mean, if it’s true you’ve waited 20 years for this, then don’t you want it to be good?
Or are you showing just how bad it's going to be for me? Because if the word horny is out of your mouth in the first 5 seconds, well, that’s probably a sign of what's to come (or not, if you know what I mean.