Bonus Track- Wallowing

Do you ever wake up exhausted and wonder what’s the fucking point?

Do you ever wake up exhausted and wonder what’s the fucking point?

Tired of feeling grateful for existing in a world that doesn’t care that you exist?

Tired of making life mean something when clearly it doesn’t?

It all just feels like mental masturbation. Something to get you off while you prattle about life, buying over priced groceries and loading them into a car that’s killing the planet. Fighting just to back out of a parking spot while other people maunder by, asleep and could care less that your car is about to take them out.

We’re all just walking dead anyway.

A world where billionaires can do stupid things and the “super powers”  use every asset our tax dollars have paid for, already knowing they were dead, to save them and at the same time in another ocean hundreds of refugees are drowning and lost and we can’t seem to muster a fishing vessel to help them.

Here’s the part where I provide a list of all the horrors humanity is offering up, but you already know.

We all know.

And some days it’s easier to muster the strength to pretend you have some control over your part of the awfulness this reality spews.

Some days the singing of the birds is enough to remind you that there is good in the world.

And those days are fewer and have become father apart.

The irony is that we all know and we all continue to play the game. We pay our bills on time, we worry about our credit score,  all of which, in my case have tanked, after spending 3 years building it all up.

Spiritual people will tell me that I have to learn my lesson. That this is my “souls journey”.  Hell, I helped make the phrase “We create our reality” famous for fucks sake.

And those that believe we are just a happy accident will say that its just humanities penchant for greed, power and control that’s at fault.

Maybe it’s both.

Today I just don’t care.

Today I am tired of trying to make any sense of it. I’m tired of attempting to find the lesson, the meaning, the purpose.

Today I surrender to the chaos. I’m not going to try and fix it. I have no words of wisdom to offer.

BoB, or whatever is having its way with me right now and I’m not feeling like fighting back anymore.

At least not today.

I’m allowed a day, right? To wallow and to feel miserable.

Tomorrow maybe the birds will sing.